Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
