Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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