I skipped work to stalk him.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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