You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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