from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
