So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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