Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
