Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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