After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
