brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
