We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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