I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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