You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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