I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Life is so much better after having sex.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
