Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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