So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize