Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
