she is the kim kardashian of front butts
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
