I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
