My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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