Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
