I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hippo gnu deer
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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