NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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