she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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