Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
