I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
