Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
