Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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