you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
