I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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