ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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