fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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