So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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