Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She tied me up with her honor cords...
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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