I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
