I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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