All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
