now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
