i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
