Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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