it was like eating out sand paper
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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