when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
