Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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