As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
