fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
