I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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