sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
