No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
