he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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