he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize