Please, let me fuck your mom
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
