I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
