Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
