i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
