goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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