I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
