there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Rumble strips road head = magical
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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