I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
