Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
