Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
