you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
