the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
