dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
