If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
