you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
