Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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