She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize